Wow this journal is really old, I don't even know why I bother looking at it. I have like 3 other journal floating around somewhere.. maybe I should find those next.

i feel sick again, i think it may just be my nerves.. hopefully..

Jay stayed.. wasent really what i hoped...

rex didnt come and get juli.. again

not alot has happen in my life.. like anything every does...

Kylie call me peas..... and carrots *smiles*

Love you all..
buh byie

EH I'm feeling pretty sick tonight. Kindof wishing Kylie was online soI could talk to her. Me and My feelings again... they are almost always right.. and Kylie baby, I didnt, and Im not going to.. call me soon k?

 

          ( ***Random Crap*** )

There's not much going on today.
I'm really bored, it's getting late.
What happened to my Saturday?
Monday's coming, the day I hate.

Sit on the bed alone, staring at the phone.
He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought, no.
He wouldn't even open up the door.
He never made me feel like I was special.
He isn't really what I'm looking for.

This is when I start to bite my nails.
And clean my room when all else fails.
I think it's time for me to bail.
This point of view is getting stale.

Sit on the bed alone, staring at the phone.
He wasn't what I wanted, what I thought, no.
He wouldn't even open up the door.
He never made me feel like I was special.
He isn't really what I'm looking for.

I keep trying and trying, and i get nothing in return. So im gonna stop now, I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens....

I rode by NC State today, and it got me really depressed knowing that i will never be there, that i will always be stuck in this life that i hate. Why cant i just be happy? just for a while...

I need someone...

Hello everyone! i have a new journal that i will be using for now on. its intheshadows13 i needed a change...

Another day filled with loneliness. i cant stand it any more. i have to get away. Help Me

I finally got my computer hooked up yay! aeast it gives me something to do instead of sitting around alday.
I can reall see the sceen tho bc justin has m monitor,and my keyoard is screwng up, blah!

Ive been going crazy, seriously, it seems like the only person i talk to is jay, well that isent really abad thing, but miss evryone. I tied to call kylie today, but she was not homw , i really needed some one to talk to.. all this shit is drivig me razy, btw kylie i left my new number with you nana so call me sometime,the 5min covo. i had with her used up my phone card,shitty huh?..

So in the past week my uncle hs died, my mother fell and her armis in a cast, my dad was put back in the hospital, i missed yet another doctors app. , i have had to tak care of my nephew, juli and my grandma all at the sametime... rex and i have cussed each othe out way to much,and i am s depresed that i dont reall wantto getout of bed ... idont want to be here anymore ...

IM GOING FUCKING CRAZY!!!!!!!!!

i need to talk to someone... sigh

im going go...

buh bye all

God where the fuck is eveyone

True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist,
Nor can it be hidden where it truly does.


"I thought I loved him, but he had to break my heart for me to know what true love really is."


"To love someone is to understand each other, to laugh together, to smile with your heart and to trust one another. One important thing is to let each other go if you can't do this."


"If you have the courage to love, you have the courage to suffer."

"Baby, I know we are miles and miles away from one another, but I always believed that as long as our souls are connected to each other, the flame of our love will burn forever. Only souls can resist death, our physical connection is meaningless."

"To truely love something, you must first give it a chance to fail. If it survives, it is going to be stronger than ever. Distance is pure proof of this, and forever we will love if we survive."

"The things that people in love do to each other they remember, and if they stay together it's not because they forget, it's because they forgive."

Its Mothers Day today, woo fucking hoo! I dont now why i am all of a sudden in a bad mood, maybe realizing that i wont see my daughter till it time for her to go to sleep, or that i cant get hold of my mothter, or maybe Bc kylie was really the only person to wish me happy mothers day. *sigh* Oh yeah and Jay never called this morning... Sooo GRRRR I know i dont have any real reasons to be bitching but just let me this time...

I would enjoying seeing my mother today, but i dont know if i can be bothered finding a way there and back seeing as how our car broke down about a week ago.
It sucks, really.. i dont have much of a life anymore.. it true, it mostly revolves around talking to ky, seeing jay and sara, and taking care of Juli. I need to get off my ass and do something...

*trying to call mom again*
She drives me crazy!!!!!!
Parents seriously, i am never gonna be like her and drive my daughter up the wall, or bitch about everything she does, what she wears, who she dates, what she feels she right and wrong. When will my mom ever learn that i am not her, im not my sisters.. i like being who i am , i like believing in what i do.. she cant change me, she tried so hard to.. sigh nothing i ever do is right... oh well...

Think im gonna go now...

Love
K.

No sleep
No sleep untill I am done with finding the answer
Wont stop
Wont stop before I find a cure for this cancer
Sometimes
I feel I going down and so disconnected
Somehow
I know that I am haunted to be wanted

I been watching
I been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I been searching
I been living
For tomorrows all my life

In the shadows

In the shadows

They say
That i must learn to kill before i can feel safe
But I
I rather kill myself then turn into there slave
Sometimes
I feel that I should go and play with the thunder
Somehow
I just don't wanne stay and wait for a wonder

I been watching
I been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I been searching
I been living
For tomorrows all my life

Lately I been walking walking in circels, watching waiting for something
Feel me touch me feel me, come take me higher

I been watching
I been waiting
In the shadows all my time
I been searching
I been living
For tomorrows all my life
I been watching
I been waiting
I been searching
I been living for tomorrows

In the shadows

In the shadows
I been waiting

Mary we tried to call you yesterday. Try and call me sometime soon, I wanna hang out

I really miss kylie all of a sudden, i wish she was here, i need her to come back. *Sigh*

Well today was interesting i guess, we ( jay, rhys and josh) went to the celebration of the outdoors, it was erm... hot and loud, kindof boring, but them blowing up the condom was funny, entertaining for a while. We stole a box of condoms yesterday from the mexican mart and gave them to jay as a birthday present, we tried to blow them up and make them into decorations but it didnt work, blah stupid condoms that wont stick to the wall lol.
I jope jay had fun last night, he ended up getting sick tho, poor baby, i had to take care of him, but its all good i just wnated him to have fun. He got upset with me tho because i wouldnt take a shot with him , i dont do shots tho, so yeah im sorry baby. I cant think right now, im blank, and ive felt like shit all day i hate being a girl. Growl!

Think i might go look up stuff on colleges, not sure why.. blah.

Well peoples ill update again later when i can think, i love you all.

Kittie

Ps Im waiting for you to get online kylie, i miss you!

Happy Birthday Baby!
I love you and i cant wait for you to get off work so i can see you tonight. You are the only one i want to be with, and im so glad that we are together. And whatever has happen happened and it doesnt matter anymore, i promise to try and stop bringing it up, i just want to forget about it and to get on with us lives. Btw you are a dork with the whole ring thing, but it was cute. You are cute, my little computer geek lol. I love you baby!
Im gonna go now, im sure no one else cares to read this.
Love
forever Yours
Kim

Ok im really pissed i had this long jounral entry written and i closed it out.. im so pissed at myself.. Grr i will wrtie later when i stop being mad at myself.

i love you all always and forever
Kittie

IM sitting at saras and its 3 somthing in themorning.. just watned to check out everyones journals.. yep yp yep... not much new take it..

Arg i was all pissed bc jay hadent called me.. and i put my phone upstairs and then of corse he calls... grr i really wanted/needed to talk to him about tommorow.
Oh well i will just have to call im first thing in the morning..i miss him somuch and i finally get to see him.. althought sometime i am hoping to get soem time alone with schwacke .. and to talk with kylie.. blah

i spent a while talking to tina tonight, mostly just about how guys are dumbasses sometimes.. it was nice talking to her.. gotta love thetalking shit about guys..

ok random sara running up the stairs.. n e wayz.. there really isent much to say ..
i dont really have much of a life anymore..
i could go intoone certain subject that is on my mind a lot but i am sure not many ppl wanna hear about it so yeah..

im bored and tired so im gonna go
love ya all
buh bye

Kylies parents are on the way back home.. they will be here soon so i decided to up date b4 they got back.. rhys called adn said they wanted to a take me out for tea.. there so nice i wish i had her rents soemtimes.. do do do

anywayz rex is being fucking weird he gave me a hug today adn kissed me on the forhead.. erm erm erm erm maybe J is right adn he is trying to poison me.. Grrr...

Listening to country again.. god im such a freak...

I dont know when the next time i will beable to see J is.. think he is going to go stay with his rents a while.. hopefully just so that he can have some where to live i wont spend evrynight worrying about him..

Been talking to kylie again.. i hate this whole tlaking getting mad not talking fighting talking again thing.. grr we need to learn just how to talk to each other.. oh kylie i need to talk u so im me or call me ot something k?

well im gonna go this update was pointless....

Buh bye all